Deeper

Sitting on the edge of my bed at the beginning of the Sunday afternoon, I first picture the steps I so badly want to take: leave the room, go up the stairs and there, in the attic, remove a few things from under the dormer window. How hard can it be. Other plans I had for this weekend have already been cancelled. A construction team will start on Monday with the repair of the dormer window, a job that had been on the schedule since October last year and had been postponed due to busyness at the builders company. Halfway up the stairs I give up again. The third attempt that day. Too little energy. A few mini-bleeders on my skin suggest that the blood values ​​have dropped considerably again.

Safely back in bed I send a message in the text group ‘Helpers Ingebee’. Not much later I am spontaneously provided with tea in bed, the rooms are prepared for the builders, there is a schedule ready of kind neighbors and friends-in-the-neighborhood who will take turns staying in my house for the next few days to help the builders and healthy evening meals are arranged. All those dear carers together make the situation a lot more pleasant. Fortunately, after a long night I feel a bit better. Tomorrow I hope to be able to go outside again.

Last Friday, with a somewhat foggy head, I went for a lovely 10 kilometer walk with a dear friend. A few days before, the measurement by the onco-physiotherapist showed that my physical condition is fortunately not deteriorating despite the chemotherapy. All is hopeful! Apparently we manage surprisingly well to get me back to a good level physically every time. Nevertheless, the chemotherapy seriously affects my blood production and every round the valley from which the values have to climb seems a bit deeper.

It reminds me of a computer game: every next level gets more challenging, but I do progress (with all that help). One more level to go: heavy cure plus two more light ones after that. In the meantime, I’m trying to prepare a bit for the challenge that will most likely come after it: the surgery for the unilateral amputation. Physically less challenging, mentally all the more….